When you just can’t deal…
I gave up my control. I’ve let life just happen. I’ve sat back and allowed co-pilots to steer me. This sounds great, right? Just sitting back and relaxing. Let me tell you, it hasn’t been great. For the past few weeks, I have done the minimum. I go to school, I go to work, I sleep, I eat, and I repeat this process every day. I’m doing the minimum, but I still feel like there’s not enough time in the day. There was a time when I wanted to do everything. And I basically did ‘do everything’. I over programmed myself. I became so involved in everything else, that I forgot to rest. Everything caught up to me and I slammed into a wall. Not hit, SLAMMED.
~ excerpt from last week ~
Last week I only got out of bed to go to school and work. I wasn’t sick, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything creative or fun. I wasn’t sad or depressed, I was literally exhausted.
I don’t really know what my purpose is with writing this. But I know I can’t be the only person experiencing something like this. Everyone talks about how important self-care is, but sometimes even self-care activities are too overwhelming. The only thing that helped me was just allowing myself to rest. Side note – I work overnight, so it’s very possible I was experiencing sleep deprivation.
Being on auto pilot isn’t a 100% negative experience. I was able to be productive, while only doing the necessities. This is no way to live all the time but if you are going through a stressful period, it can be beneficial to be on “auto pilot”. Also, you don’t need to diagnose yourself. It is normal to be overwhelmed and over programmed. We live in a competitive society where people are expected to do it all. Just lay in bed, it’s going to be okay! I hope this helped in some way. Let me know if you have had similar experiences. I feel like this feeling is very common among college students.
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