Can we just stop? Can we stop constantly asking women if they have a boyfriend? Can we stop putting so much value on a person’s relationship status. I am not against relationships and I am not against people who take pride in their relationship.
I am simply tired of “well-meaning” strangers asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. Like you just met me and the only thing you want to know about me is if I am seeing someone. You don’t want to know what I am passionate about or what I am studying or even what my job is. I get the feeling that to some people, my worth is diminished because I am “alone”. I’ve talked to many of my single friends about they get the same questions from people and have a similar opinion.
I will talk about my personal life when I feel like it. I don’t mind when friends or family members ask me about relationships, but I don’t want “advice” or to be set up. I am not depressed about being single. It is my choice.
I can’t stand phrases like, “this is why you don’t have a boyfriend” or “you’ll never get a boyfriend if you…”. I know people are sometimes joking, but it’s disrespectful. First of all, it is reinforcing heteronormative standards. “Unladylike” actions shouldn’t dictate if someone has a significant other or not. I don’t want to constantly conform to what society perceives as feminine, in the hopes of having a relationship.
Some people might have a boyfriend, some have a girlfriend, others might have multiple partners, and some people will never have a partner. Regardless, that is their business and no one should be obligated to share that information (unless they want to).
Also, a person’s life is not centered around getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. Yes, having a significant other can be a positive thing, but it’s not the only thing. Do what fulfills you and the right people will come along.
I know that you can’t control what people say. I just wished some people would realize that their intrusive and close-minded questions are not always wanted. Saying that “you are a beautiful girl” and asking “why I don’t have a boyfriend” is implying that there is something wrong with me. It is also stressing physical beauty and it’s assuming I want or am interested in men. It is not even considering my lifestyle. At the moment, I do not even have room in my life for a romantic relationship.
There are so many things wrong with these kinds of statements. I expect to hear these things from older family members, but I definitely don’t want to hear these from people who don’t even know me. Women (and men) should not have to explain their personal life choices to strangers.
Sorry for the long rant. I could go on and on about the topic. I mostly talked about women because I feel this happens to women more often. However, I am not excluding men because I know it can happen to them as well. Both genders are expected to have specific roles and these roles are outdated. I hope you got something from this and thanks for reading!