Lifestyle/ Photography

You’ll Never Have A Boyfriend Because…

Can we just stop? Can we stop constantly asking women if they have a boyfriend? Can we stop putting so much value on a person’s relationship status. I am not against relationships and I am not against people who take pride in their relationship.

I am simply tired of “well-meaning” strangers asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. Like you just met me and the only thing you want to know about me is if I am seeing someone. You don’t want to know what I am passionate about or what I am studying or even what my job is. I get the feeling that to some people, my worth is diminished because I am “alone”. I’ve talked to many of my single friends about they get the same questions from people and have a similar opinion.

I will talk about my personal life when I feel like it. I don’t mind when friends or family members ask me about relationships, but I don’t want “advice” or to be set up. I am not depressed about being single. It is my choice.

I can’t stand phrases like, “this is why you don’t have a boyfriend” or “you’ll never get a boyfriend if you…”. I know people are sometimes joking, but it’s disrespectful. First of all, it is reinforcing heteronormative standards. “Unladylike” actions shouldn’t dictate if someone has a significant other or not. I don’t want to constantly conform to what society perceives as feminine, in the hopes of having a relationship.

MOREOVER,

Some people might have a boyfriend, some have a girlfriend, others might have multiple partners, and some people will never have a partner. Regardless, that is their business and no one should be obligated to share that information (unless they want to).

Also, a person’s life is not centered around getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. Yes, having a significant other can be a positive thing, but it’s not the only thing. Do what fulfills you and the right people will come along.

I know that you can’t control what people say. I just wished some people would realize that their intrusive and close-minded questions are not always wanted. Saying that “you are a beautiful girl” and asking “why I don’t have a boyfriend” is implying that there is something wrong with me. It is also stressing physical beauty and it’s assuming I want or am interested in men. It is not even considering my lifestyle. At the moment, I do not even have room in my life for a romantic relationship.

There are so many things wrong with these kinds of statements. I expect to hear these things from older family members, but I definitely don’t want to hear these from people who don’t even know me.  Women (and men) should not have to explain their personal life choices to strangers.

Sorry for the long rant. I could go on and on about the topic. I mostly talked about women because I feel this happens to women more often. However, I am not excluding men because I know it can happen to them as well. Both genders are expected to have specific roles and these roles are outdated. I hope you got something from this and thanks for reading!

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27 Comments

  • Reply
    Ben Montgomery
    January 21, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    I’ve been asked those types of questions for my entire adulthood. I’ve been made fun of and threatened with being disowned and people assume I’m gay. Guys are really hard on other guys if they’e never seen with women. It becomes a source of shame and embarrassment. It eventually turns into an obstacle if a guy eventually decides he wants a girlfriend. Women act shocked or wonder what’s wrong with you or might even take advantage of the inexperience. I was raised around really messed up marriages and so I avoided relationships until I was 36. My brother and sister are the same and we all took the same line of questions and advice we didn’t ask for. I don’t why American’s are so obsessed with who everyone else might be having sex with and why they think it’s so taboo if people are different from them. I always like asking what people do for fun, jobs and people we date aren’t who we are. What you’re passionate about says a lot more. Good rant. It’s something people need to knock off.

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 21, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      It can be really frustrating, but it’s always good to hear that people are going through get the same thing!

      • Reply
        Ben Montgomery
        January 21, 2018 at 3:44 pm

        It’s always frustrating, but you’re being you and that’s really awesome and brave. There’s so many people getting married and having kids just over those questions and the pressure. They end up getting divorced or being miserable for a lifetime. Solidarity for the single people! We are independent and perfectly okay with it.

  • Reply
    Liz
    January 21, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    Love your post and I understand. I was once even questioned on more than one occasion whether I was a lesbian because I was interested going out with anyone. They did not know my past history. If they had, they would have probably understand why I don’t give a crap about having a boyfriend. After I heard it more than once and I gave a different response back and said are you saying all single people are gays or lesbians? It shut her up.

    Years down the line, I have felt pressure at times, expecting to be in a relationship. Again, I remind I am not interested and some more questionable things have happened since to be more stronger and having no intentions of having in a boyfriend in my life.

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 21, 2018 at 4:33 pm

      This is a great response! Honestly, it isn’t their business. I’m not going to have a relationship just because of societal pressure (no one should). If you have a boyfriend, that’s great. If you don’t that’s also great. If you have a girlfriend that’s good too and if you don’t, it’s also fine. People can do whatever they want regarding relationships. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

      • Reply
        Liz
        January 21, 2018 at 4:59 pm

        It’s so true, it is no one else’s business other than our own. For those in a relationship, good on them and for those choosing single, then good on you. 🙂

  • Reply
    Aquileana
    January 21, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    This post really resonated with me… I like to go out with guys, and lately Tinder has become a good option for me in that sense. I havený been in a long relationship for a long time. I choose that. I value my independence above everything and I am happy that way.
    I don´t think you need to have a serious partner in order to be happy or feel complete. So, yes, people need to stop assuming things… Thank you for this post!:D xx

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 21, 2018 at 6:03 pm

      I’m glad my post resonated with you. Thank you for sharing!

  • Reply
    Kara's Kloud
    January 23, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    PREACH!! I get asked so many times by strangers and family why I don’t have a boyfriend. Do they not realize that I don’t care about having a boyfriend, and that maybe I want to focus on my career and future? I’m in college to get a degree, so I’m not worried about my love life. If I happen to get a boyfriend along the way, that’s great. However, there’s so much more to my life than my relationship status. I love this post and I agree with you 100%!!

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 23, 2018 at 12:42 pm

      Yesss! I’m also in college and quite frankly I like to focus on myself.

  • Reply
    Sara
    January 23, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    Girl I feel you… Its like being alone is abnormal, but really theres nothing wrong with it? so what if I enjoy my own company..

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 23, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      😊 so true!

  • Reply
    whatismaria
    January 23, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    I know exactly what you mean. I’ve never had a boyfriend for no particular reason other than I am yet to meet the ‘right’ person, but people are often shocked by the fact that I’ve gone 18 years without having one even though 18 is still very young. So glad you highlighted this issue!

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 23, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      18 is young and you shouldn’t feel pressured to be tied down. Thanks for commenting!

  • Reply
    follypen
    January 24, 2018 at 2:54 pm

    I wish guys can read this post and learn from it…….. I wonder how someone can start a conversation with that question ‘Do you have a boyfriend’

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 24, 2018 at 2:58 pm

      Haha some guys could definitely learn from this post. Thanks for commenting!

  • Reply
    Mira Belle
    January 26, 2018 at 1:48 am

    I totally agree! Having a boyfriend doesn’t define me grrrrrr lol but I get that question a lot. Oh and my family always adds on the “settle down and start a family” part geeeeshhh gimme a break!

    • Reply
      Kaley
      January 26, 2018 at 1:50 am

      My family does that too! Thanks for commenting!

  • Reply
    acessj
    February 2, 2018 at 12:32 am

    i get this all the time and wrote about it as well – it is frustrating!

    • Reply
      Kaley
      February 2, 2018 at 12:37 am

      It is so annoying sometimes. Thanks for commenting!

  • Reply
    queenofcontent53
    February 14, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    That was an awesome rant BTW!!

    • Reply
      Kaley
      February 14, 2018 at 10:17 pm

      Haha thank you!!

  • Reply
    Stephen Twist
    February 17, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    Perhaps we are defined to an extent by our friendships, for they may give insight into our personality; but we should not be defined by whether we have, or have not, an intimate relationship – which is a private matter for us and our partner (if we have one). Great post. Don’t apologise for any part of your blog. It’s not a rant, it’s a very valid, interesting and well articulated view.

    • Reply
      Kaley
      February 17, 2018 at 7:45 pm

      Good point! Thank you for commenting!

  • Reply
    The Cooking spoon
    February 19, 2018 at 8:37 am

    What a great post. People do look at you in a certain way and when I tell them that I choose to be single they look at me in disbelieve. Whatever…😃

    • Reply
      Kaley
      February 19, 2018 at 1:47 pm

      Thank you for sharing!

  • Reply
    timetravelballoon
    February 23, 2018 at 6:56 am

    What a great post. Well said, girl. (also, followed. Follow back maybe ☺ ❤)

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